In the moo- oorning, In the moo-oorning by the sea

Paani Puri ROCKS

Hmm.

So I had a fairly interesting morning yesterday and since I have not posted in a while and since I feel the urge to do so, this, is what I shall post about.

I am basically in the process of getting a passport (or passeport if you were French) and so wakey time happened at the unearthly hour of 9.00 a.m.

9.00 a.m. - Wake up time. I need to be at the passport office at exactly 11.00 a.m. Which means I need to rush.
9.30 a.m. - Actual wake up time. I need to be at the passport office at exactly 11.00 a.m. Which means I need to rush.
9.45 a.m. - I begin playing cake (The band, you cant play the food) on the amp in my room. Now this is important as it set the tone for the rest of the morning.
10.00 a.m. - Since I have to leave so early I get a chance to eat breakfast ( dosa, kheema+ sugar, butter+sugar and chutney+sugar)
10.30 a.m. - Departure time - Am late but I'm on a bike and since I am Batman getting to Worli is no big deal.
10.50 a.m. - Am still in Santacruz. Clearly being Batman does not get you out of rush hour traffic. Respect the dark demeanor dammit!!
11.15 a.m. - Arrival. Park on an unused part of the road.
11.30 a.m.- Meet the agent who is supposed to help me out. While signing the forms ( under a tree) a crow decides to do a doodoo on my head.
11.45 a.m. - Finish washing my hair under a tap which was in the store behind me - soaking wet head.
12.00 a.m. - Standing in line. Meet the other guy using the same agent as me - LIYAQUAT KHAN

Now Liyaquat's like one of those small time crooks you see on tv. Skinny guy with a lot of bluster with kohl under his eyes scrawny beard and all that jazz. So we begin talking (he began talking). It starts of with the usual anti-establishment talk. Thats when Liyaquat finds out that he has to register all Rs 500 notes he is using.

This leads to a massive discussion about the time when he was working with the 'company' . So apparently he was involved in a counterfeiting operation being run from Mahim. The notes were smuggled in from Nepal and apparently contained some awesome material which made it look very real. Now he obviously had to prove this point so it led to the story about when he was caught by the cops. Not just any cop but the late great Vijay Salaskar himself questioned him.

The conversation went like so- or so I was told ( now I can't do the Hindi thing so this is my translation):

Scene: Liquayat is standing in front of Salaskar with a bundle of real 500 rupee nots in the left pocket and a bundle of fake 500 Rupee notes in the right.

Salaskar: Arre Liquayat bhai, we know that you are not the head of this operation. Tell us who your boss is and we'll let you go. Otherwise tumko saala andar daalega.

Liquayat (acting all cool): Arre saab, I would rather be inside than tell the name of my boss. Saala agar mein uska naam bolega then vo mujhe off karega. Now you and I both know that I can pay my way out of this

Salaskar: That is true but you will have to pay at least 4 lakhs, now why dont you tell us about your boss.

Liquayat (still acting cool): No problem I would rather pay the 4 lakhs.

Salaskar: Why don't you show me the fake notes?

Liquayat (taking the bundle of fake notes from his pocket very coolly): There you go.

Salaskar ( examining the notes): but these are real. I am sure of it

Liquayat: kya saab you don't know the difference between a nakli note and a real one

Salaskar: arre this is real.

Liquayat: Why don't you call for the note testing machine.

** This happens and the machine starts beeping like mad indicating a forged note

Liquayat: I told you so

** Salaskar and the other constables just stand there in awe of LIQUAYAT KHAN

- End of Scene

After all this I got the slip for the passport( and my hair had dried) and went to get the bike. Now the bike had been towed for some dumbass reason I will not get into. The problem was I did not know where they had towed my bike to. Seeing a cop car I asked them. They said it was in Worli and since they were heading in the same direction , would I like a lift - I agreed. Heard about some fire that just took place somewhere near Parel over the radio - pretty cool.

Anyway I reached the station and after paying the fine realized that the scum-sucking sons of bacteria had broken my indicator light.

This led to a huge fight between me, all the cops in the station and the tow van guys - who kept trying to stick my light back on with bloody Fevi quick. After a lot of shouting, cursing and being threatened with assaulting an officer I left for home.

And I was listening to CAKE the whole time. quite a morn eh?